Pies Key To Gillard's Gamble

Black 'n White Bound

The Gillard Government will target Collingwood supporters in a bold re-election bid.

The Bugle's political correspondent Moses McOracle says the Prime Minister's clothes and the date of the next federal election in yesterday's announcement "let the Magpie out of the gum tree".

McOracle writes from the Peel Hotel, Collingwood, the Labor Party's strategy is the culmination of months of research.

This reveals the typical Pies supporter represents Australians generally. "The essence of the nation, the character, the soul, the spirit of its people," according to one ALP adviser. "If we can appeal to citizens black and white we can appeal to all."

Strategists believe Collingwood will be leading the competition by the election date of September 14, two weeks out from the grand final, and the wave of support for the team will translate into votes for the Gillard Government.

Insiders say Ms Gillard soon will announce she has resigned as Footscray number one ticket holder and has taken out membership of the Mighty Pies.

She will join the Magpie sisters behind the sticks taunting the opposition.

"Ms Gillard has had a few of the girls (the Pies womenfolk) in for yell-outs and intends to use their footy jeers against Tony Abbott and the Coalition," a source close to the Prime Minister said.

These include:

• Don't touch what ya can't afford.
• Stop lickin' shit off the ground and get up. 
• When ya finished layin' there playin' with yaself try playin' the game.
• That's what happens when ya wear yer girlfriend's underpants.
• Don't make any difference, we still hate ya.
• C'mon, shake me hand, I just wiped me bum with it.

Strategists say market testing of these insults show them to be winners in outer suburban working class seats that are key to the Labor's Party's election prospects.

Opposition leader, Tony Abbott, has laughed off Labor's strategy, saying he is a "proud" supporter of the Lygon Street Secondhand Sock Sellers and points to "evidence" the Magpies are as popular as "white ants in a wooden leg".